The Roommate

As far as roommates go, I haven't been very lucky. People who know me have probably put up with endless complaints from me about the exploits of my various strange and abnormal roommates who manage to creep out even me. That's a hard thing to do.

My second roommate gave me her pearls of wisdom about marriage and how I wasn't a good bridal candidate cause I'm not fair [PALE] enough. But in terms of being just. plain. creepy. my current roommate takes the cake. To address her obscurities, I'm going to systematically put down her traits.

1. MINNIE MOUSE:

There is a lot to be said about one who is unhealthily addicted to a disney character. I would be rather comfortable with her privately enjoying Minnie Mouse, but when a person posesses the following, it gets disturbing:

• A 3 feet tall stuffed Minnie Mouse staring at me, constantly.
• A Minnie Mouse picture stuck above her bed
• Minnie Mouse wallpaper on her computer
• Minnie mouse screen saver as well
• Minnie Mouse theme on her phone

Okay so it's not unbelievably hard to deal with the last 3, as such, but it adds to the magnitude of creepdom in general. Here's the incident that made me believe that I was in trouble.

I walked into my room one day to find my roomie standing and staring at her giant stuffed Minnie Mouse laying on her bed. I said "Hi", in response to which she said "I love my Minnie!". "Good for you!" I said, trying not to worry. "I really love her in this position; when she's upside down, I like looking at her panties!" was her response, followed by a giggle.

I covered my head and went to sleep, fearing for my safety as I was rooming with a disney molesting stranger.

2. GARBAGE

Do you stick posters on your walls? On your wardrobes too, maybe? Cause I do! I have a large poster of Rorschach of the Watchmen on my wall. I also have one of Andy Warhol. On my wardrobe, there's one of Arctic Monkeys, Velvet Revolver, Goldspot, etc.

My roomie is too cool for posters. Her wardrobe has garbage stuck on it. Mostly candy wrappers, discounting the empty packet of chips. She sticks the wrappers of everything she eats, and persumably enjoys eating, on her wardrobe. This incudes the followng wrappers:

• Cadbury's Dairy Milk
• Bar One
• Orbit Chewing Gum
• Wrigley's Double Mint Chewing gum.

And I'm sure there were a few others. What am I to make of this? I know not.

3. THE WHISPERING

So most people love the phone and a lot of people compromise their sleep to have endless conversations. I, for one, put my phone on silent mode and sleep through the entire night. My roommate, on the other hand, talks on the phone till 3 am and sleeps whenever she gets time during the day.

Well, I'm sure a lot of you will say "What's your problem? That's how we nocturnal people function! Do you have an issue? Stop discriminating against us late sleepers!" I have nothing against nocturnal people. I think they should be embraced, in fact. But I DO have a problem with nocturnal people who interfere with my sleep, but think they don't.

My roomie, for example, is on the phone all night. But she refuses to step out of the room to take her call. She needs to talk all night, while I'm in here, trying to sleep. And what if I fuss and tell her I can't sleep? She starts whispering into the phone. And not just any whisper; the loudest whisper you'll ever hear. It can be more aptly defined as raspy yelling into the phone.

Can't a poor girl get some sleep around here?

4. THE WET BATHROOM CONCEPT

I noticed that there are a breed of people who believe that the bathroom floor should be completely wet. I understand that this comes from an old school Indian view that water means clean and if the floors wet, then it must've been cleaned recently. WRONG!

A wet bathroom floor, my friends causes the following problems:

• The tiniest bit of dirt on your footwear/foot leaves tracks on the floor
• When you pull down your pants to pee, the bottom of them get wet
• It's uncomfortable

Therefore, if any of you would be so kind as to contact my roommate and tell her that she needn't spray the whole bathroom everyday, I will be very grateful. I don't understand what happiness she derives from wetting the entire bathroom [including the mirror, walls, etc.] and stomping around in it.

Any ideas as to why such a thing could be enjoyable? Please leave them in the comments.