Friday, December 18, 2009

Why So Snotty, Shorty?

:::Cliche Statement Alert:::
Why is it that after all this advancement in medical science, a common cold still plagues us so?

My nose is leaky, my head hurts, my eyes are burning and my throat is scratchy. I woke up in a sweat; my fever broke. I don't know what I'm typing cause my screen is slightly blurry. But I feel like if I don't document this feeling, it will pass me by and I would never want to think about it again. If any of you want to remind me why that's a bad thing, please do.

I was wondering what exactly causes such a thing. It is a virus,yes. But how does it look? I don't want to see what it looks like under a microscope. I want to know what it wants to look like. Fangs? Red eyes? Pout? Orange in colour? And most of all, I want to know what it's thinking when it and its friends decide to sweep the area and cause a phenomenon of red runny noses and throbbing heads. Is it malicious? Or is it just being darwinian and surviving? Honestly though, I think that it doesn't need to worry about survival since the most destructive race on planet Earth hasn't found a way to kill it... yet.

They say that your heart stops for a fraction of a second when you sneeze. For me, I think it's not just my heart, it's my brain, my ears [I seriously can't hear], and my diaphragm does this weird thing. Also, with a stoppage of my brain, there's a stoppage of my sense of direction, my sense of sense, etc. To illustrate, I have, on three seperate occasions, slammed my head with full momentum on to the bathroom sink while attempting to sneeze into it. Thankfully, my skull is intact [I hope], and my brain is still functional in all its pink, fleshy glory.

The only thing worse than a sneeze is an almost sneeze. A 'Ha' without a 'Choo'. It's tragic and depriving. A sneeze, though annoying, is satisfying. Much like a yawn, a stretch or a mexican wave at a cricket stadium. When any of these are left incomplete, it gnaws at you till you find a way to complete it. Even worse than a sneeze that didn't complete itself, is a sneeze that didn't complete itself because of an external force like the loud honking of a bus, or an annoying friend [who you might like otherwise but since they stopped your sneeze, they classify as positively annoying].

So while I nurse my pitiable condition, I have come to the conclusion that the cold virus wants to be purple. This is because it would be red if it was bad and blue if it was just normal and darwinian [if it was good it would be green but I don't believe that it can be good]; and since I can't decide, it is now, officially, a combination of the two. Hence it is purple.


  1. I couldn't stop laughing as I read this piece

  2. Ha ha, very funny. I giggled away.
    Trust you to be so graphic in description.

    Keep writing!!