Saturday, January 16, 2010
Creeps On A Train
Okay so my mother doesn't want me to be spoilt. Therefore, she books me in the 2nd class ordinary compartment from Bangalore to Chennai everytime. I honestly don't mind. It doesn't make much of a difference. I get into the train, sleep, wake up at something like 4 am; and voila, I'm home!
But sometimes my train ride isn't particularly simple or pleasant due to the presence of one or more of the following entities:
1. THE SNORER
Very common, usually very large, sometimes very sweaty and always very male. Snorers have a way of making at least 3 compartments reverberate with their nasal melodies. Usually, when the sound is uniform, I manage to fall asleep. But sometimes, if you're unlucky, little snorts and grunts in various pitches will escape this man, causing you to jerk out of your sleepy state. I want to suffocate them with a pillow or something.
2. THE TALKER
Why are you on the phone all night in a train? And how do you manage to have phone reception in a moving train? Beats me. I just hate you. I don't care if your Mama's wife is acting strange around your grandmother; or if Santosh's girlfriend gave you the stinkeye; I just want to sleep. I hope your phone battery dies. I hope the person on the other end decides that they don't like you anymore. I hope you run out of credits. I hope your phone falls from your hand and ricochets off the middle berth and flies straight out of the window. I really do.
3. THE COCKROACH
Really, it is exactly what it is. Those brown insects with antennae. Anyone who knows me would know that I'm deathly scared of them. I'd rather pet a lizard than even look at a cockroach. And when they're in my view when I'm on the train, I can't sleep. I know how easy it is for them to climb/fly up to wherever I am and tickle me with their leggy, antennaey grossness!!
4. THE DEVOTED MOTHER
Mothers, your children know how to fall sleep even though they may be just 12. You needn't wake up all the time and ask them if they need water, an extra sheet, snacks, a pillow, your bag, a book, a goodnight story, etc. Really, don't worry about it. These mothers are usually accompanied by a child who doesn't really care and doesn't really want to be seen with the mother anyway. Why do they bother?
5. THE FRAAND
It's very rare that I'll befriend someone on a train. Fraands will try and make petty conversation. Ask you where you're from and what you do. I've often given false names and such like to ensure that these people don't stalk me in my sleep.
Fraand: What's your name?
Me: Sh... yla! Shyla!
Fraand: What do you do?
Me: Study.. B.B.A.
Fraand: Ohhh... Why are you carrying a book on the Indian Contract Act?
Me: Oh.. I have one chapter form that *fakes a phone call* Sorry, I need to take this!
The trick after that is to get off the fake call and get on your iPod making sure that there is no time in between for the fraand to make conversation.
This is usually encountered more in day-trains.
While there are other caregories, [like Pundits who I find very puzzling. They've actually managed to scare my aunt off a train], I will stop here. Simply because the people who watch you while you sleep, don't deserve any space on my blog. That's how much I hate them.