Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Colonial Hangover Cream™

I was trying so hard to find a fairness cream that works. I was so worried, you know? Considering that on shaadi.com, I could only register my complexion as "wheatish", which is code word for "I'm sorry I'm not milky white in colour", I was worried that I wouldn't get married.

What if the prospective groom came and saw that I was brown and then said he wouldn't marry me? I would have been so embarrassed. Fair and Lovely doesn't work for me; nor does any other product in the market. Which is why I created my own fairness product, Colonial Hangover Cream!

After working for 2 years, 5 months, 3 days and 16 hours, it's finally here! I collaborated with the top (Caucasian and generally light-skinned) scientists in the world to devise this effective product. It is designed to work on the darkest of dark skin and make you as white as a Nazi baby's bottom within weeks.

The secret to Colonial Hangover Cream lies in its top secret ratio of Erasemeface Chloride and Vampy Complexiononis which gives an instant whitening effect. You will see a considerable difference within a day! And our promise is, after just 8 WEEKS, you will be white as paper! What more? Even your features will disappear due to the wonderful and gentle* effects of our active ingredients. Colonial Hangover Cream comes along with a FaceMarker, which can be used to draw on perfect features. Also, FaceTutorial comes absolutely free with the package, teaching you to draw on the features of your choice step by step.

So what are you waiting for? Find that perfect groom! Don't spend one more day in acceptance of your darker skin. Feel like a shining beacon among the regular people! Buy Colonial Hangover Cream NOW!!!!**

*subjective term, exercise caution
** Colonial Hangover Cream Pvt. Ltd. is not responsible for the erosion of skin, dissolution of nose cartilage or burning off of eyeballs. Please do a test a patch on your buttocks before commencing use.


  1. face colour can be changed using your product , what about layers and layers of MRFs that have been accumulated by all tam brahm girls after eating thair sadham , rice and extra rice for years ?

  2. ^lol... and amen to that !!!

    loved the sarcasm...reminded me of shobha de's style !!

    you go girl !!

  3. love the er.. 'cute' header pic


  4. @Faffs: That cannot be helped... I'm ory saary

    @ weirdo: Fanks! That's what happens when you're bored at 2 in the morning, Coincidentally I just HAD a picture like that... what gives? Also, I'll look into Shobhaa De's blog now

  5. just out of curiosity what exactly happened to 'create' the expression ??

    yes i know curiosity killed the cat but do say !!!

  6. Well I had really long hair... and then I cut it all off, being the mental creature that I am. On that day, several people asked me WHY i'd do that [actually expecting a sensible answer]...
    That was merely a facial reaction to the same

  7. I Love it. Satire being my preferred choice of humour in any case :)

  8. Hello mam,

    I am interested in purchase of your product, "Colonial Hangover Cream". Kindly give price details and where it is available.

  9. Dear Sir,

    Colonial Hangover Cream sells at Rs.5499 at your local Spencer's Daily. But at the Teleshopping Network you can purchase it for just Rs.5469 and you will get a foot massaging monkey FREE!

  10. I LOVED this... how long is this hangover gonna last I wonder - especially since this has taken over all forms of ads. My favorite is SRK advertising the cream - really, does anyone care? another favorite, the gal whose bf keeps painting her and has to keep redoing it as her spots vanish and finally he is so overwhelmed he proposes!!! GROSSS!

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  12. Firstly - what is an MRF?

    and secondly - awesome awesome post. who knows, some folks may actually contact you for Colonial Hangover cream and get some tips on how to draw on the perfect features from the creatrix herself! You could be the next Elizabeth Arden or Coco Chanel.

    p.s. I would like the foot massager monkey, forget the cream

  13. Does the cream also make girls look "homely"? My "to-be" wants to know.