Sunday, April 18, 2010

I Love Malls... Not

It doesn't matter if the mall has the worst stores on the planet. I doesn't matter if you can't afford anything in the mall. It doesn't matter that the food court sells disgusting sub standard food. A million and two people will be there.

There's something about just going to a mall that excites Indians (at least Chennaiites and Bangaloreans) no end. I know... "BOO Sharanyaa! Generalisation is terrible! You disgrace your country." But seriously, I wouldn't be saying this if half the Indian population wasn't at the mall I went to the other day. They swarm to the mall and just walk around, creating terrible vehicular and pedestrian traffic jams both inside and outside. All the yuck-sick 'machas' will 'sight-adichify' the 'figures' and try ramming into their shoulders. Smooth.

I think that just going to the mall has become something awesome to do. But here's what happens every time I go to a mall;. movie theatres are all booked out, eating places are boring cause you can't eat all the time, I barely ever want that coffee, the clothing stores have the lamest stock of clothes and accessories and there are groups of strange people who just sit around there and watch you.

Among those people are the highschool crowd. Good Lord! They size me up and give me dirty glares as they look up form their Zinger Burger or McSwirl ice cream, like I'm not cool enough for them. Fortunately, I couldn't care less. But the fact that I'm probably shorter than every last one of them doesn't help {even though I'm feisty... like an ant!).

I don't mind the one or two people who are afraid to use the escalator. In fact, I've been known to help a few get over this fear. I even let a strange smelling lady cut off the blood supply to my left arm by clinging on so tight that it turned blue. But more often than not, I've come across entire families of 7 or 8 people who are terrified of the moving staircase. They cling on to each other, yelp, scream, shove each other forward and extend their feet gingerly, threatening to touch the first stair. Inevitably, I am standing behind them, behind all of them, trying to ascend/descend the same set of stairs. I can't help them all!! (Because that's how I roll)

You know the other thing that bothers me about malls. Take a wild guess. What happens when there are at least 1000 people walking around, talking and perspiring in an enclosure? That's right! They generate heat! This makes the air conditioning highly ineffective. In my mind, people's perspiration heat waves are red and the air conditioner waves are blue, and they have an epic purple battle where the redness emerges victorious. It's painfully stuffy in there.

So do me a favour, the next time you feel like going to a mall to loiter, don't.


  1. lovely darling!!! :D alex aunty thinks so too. :D strange smelling lady?? you're mean!!!

  2. so not rANTing. pile of <3 from cologne!

  3. beware you'll get "malled"! i saw a lot of mallicious stuff in your blog and you are constantly mallesting mallgoers!
    Nobody will mallify you at this rate ....

  4. You must visit Ampa Skywalk Mall. It's terrifically bad. It's like a mall that hates people, and it's still crowded as hell.

  5. @ kaushik: this post is ABOUT ampa skywalk mall :P

  6. lol.. i know where not to kill the time next time