A Netizen's Guide to Delhi

Whenever I told anyone that I was about to spend a considerable amount of time in Delhi, I received pretty much the same response "Wow! Delhi isn't Bangalore! You can't go out in the evenings. It's so unsafe. You need to watch out for EVERYTHING". Well that's how it started, followed by some tidbit of specific advice which was interesting, to say the least.

So this is my way of helping other internet-loving, loling, rofling, youtube addicted people who are planning to go to Delhi. Also, if you know any such person going to Delhi, instead of giving them advice, just give them a link to this. They'll like you better for it.

SAY NAY (to all of the following while in Delhi.)

Cars:

A car can tell you a lot about the person in it; so be vigilant about the cars around you, especially if they seem to be slowing down. The number one type of car you absolutely must avoid are black cars with black tinted windows. They have bad joojoo on the inside. I promise.

Secondly, Delhi license plate cars are alright (relatively), but watch out for cars with Chandigarh, Haryana, Punjab or Uttar Pradesh plates. They're not very cool in the manners department, or in the don't-randomly-stop-and-rape-women department (or so I've heard).

Finally, if any car around you slows down and it looks like they're doing it deliberately, RUN.

Bikes:

If a guy on a bike has a huge knife, a club, a chain, roofies, or a scary cockroach in his hand, RUN.

People:

Just like in cars, watch out for people who wear black and black. They have bad joojoo in their brains. Bad joojoo brains aren't fun.

People who wear white and white aren't that safe either, especially if they're wearing white shoes. I know this might be because they're politically motivated or pseudo-Gandhian or something, but to me it just seems like they like getting messy. Like if they stab someone to death, the blood splatter will be more visible on their white clothes. Everyone loves some good blood splatter.

Roadside Romeos are a no-no. Today a guy with very orange-copper hair, wearing a green and orange striped shirt tried to check me out. Hot.

Evenings:

Evenings are a bad time of the day. Science has proven that when the sun sets, the bad joojoo quotient of every individual rises by 20%. This means that when you go out in the evening, some guy will rape you, mug you and then punch a puppy in front of your face (maybe even kick a kitten).

So don't go out in the evenings.

I hope this little guide helps you. At least you know what advice to expect if you tell someone you're going to Delhi. I shall now get back to researching on Industrial De-mergers... Hot.